A Return After Starting New Work In November But Still Hoping For Part of My Dreams…

Driving in Monday morning, after a nice three day weekend wherein I took a day off on Friday for a car inspection and to free up Saturday to basically sleep, I was about 32 miles, roughly halfway to the office, fighting heavy traffic when I thought…’What am I doing?’.

I had been rested over the weekend, I was feeling hope, feeling happiness, feeling a strength that I haven’t had in a while, doing things I actually wanted to do and had time to do, things which I haven’t done in a while like walk, read, watch old movies and anime, found myself enjoying life, getting enough rest and with the help of the cats I was keeping most of my demons at bay…

By the end of Monday I was thinking of a long day on Tuesday with an eye exam I scheduled since I figured heck, why not get it in when I have insurance they are open and no one is requiring special hours or anything like that…

As a quick aside, for an eye exam, retinal photos, new lenses and frames, insured it was $200 but w/o insurance would’ve been about 800 bucks (700 w/o new frames)—who can afford even basic medical care anymore?

The tired feeling intensified coming home from the eye doctor’s on Tuesday, when I was an hour behind normal schedule but with the standstill traffic and a mass increase in volume prior to just an hour prior (~2:45 normal 3:45 that day), you’d have thought they rerouted all I90 and Van Wyck Expressway traffic to those roads. I’ll say this for the experience, if that 1-hour shift made a huge change, I’m further convinced, if I hadn’t lost Ipas, I’d have had to leave as my original and still on paper 1.5 hour commute was already 2+ and with that traffic would undoubtedly be nearing, at or over 3+ hours.

Keep one more thing in mind…I left the eye doctor’s about an hour after I normally leave the office which put me on those same sections of road slightly before 1 hour later than normal and I got home approximately 1 hour later than normal.

All that seems logical…but remember that 1 hour later was starting from the eye doctors not the office, so I cut off 20+ miles of travel from the normal starting point and still was 1 hour behind arriving home, which speaks to the travel conditions and volume of traffic that the trip from the doctor’s to home wasn’t quicker but took the same time to transverse 20+ fewer miles as it takes to travel the full distance 1 hour earlier.

By the time I was driving in on Wednesday, listening to ‘Arthur’s Theme’ and once more seeing traffic that would make the L.A. Freeway blush at 6:45 am, while remembering how a fraction of that traffic was on the roads five months ago (and for a good 7 years prior), I thought to myself, ‘If given the chance, means and opportunity to retire, move with my human and feline family somewhere peaceful, a comfortable home with land and privacy and if I could have no more money worries (e.g. no debt or need of income), would I retire tomorrow?

Unlike all the other times I’ve asked myself that, realizing that it was work which got me out of the house, had me interact with others and kept me from being a complete shut-in, this time I answered myself in the same mental breath, ‘Without a second’s hesitation. I’d retire, move somewhere with quieter roads and if I felt like it, get up at 6:00 am and just go with the flow driving those peaceful roads with no specific destination or time to be there, maybe ending at Vermont’s or New Hampshire’s equivalent of Flo’s Diner, where I’d become a regular breakfast or lunch guest.

Don’t misunderstand, I am happy to have work and there are far worse places I could be working, call centers for one…people here are nice, location is nice, work conditions are nice and it is nice (am I overusing that word?) to be closer to home than I was…so overall it’s a good (caught myself that time) place to be and I’m very happy to have a job. I would like a window as sunlight truly helps my mood and I think is part of what boosted my mood during the weekend, seeing and being in the daylight…anyway, I was feeling hope again…

Hopes for my dreams to move to Vermont, hopefully debt free and from what little I’ve see of the jobs up there even during the pandemic, a few chats with job agencies and just random looking, it’s obvious they pay more…albeit still not gonzo rates, but hope exists if their bottom prices are about $16/hr. that I can get up to the level I need.

I also believe for someone of my skills, knowledge, experience and talent, it’d be easier finding a job up there than it often is where I am now but where I am now has this weird view of things.

There are times I was told, despite having done and currently doing the exact things being looked for, as my title might have been ‘Facilities Coordinator’ and not ‘Facilities Operational Coordinator’, then obviously, despite the current job description and duties matching what they are looking for to the point it looks like a copy and paste job with just the title changed, there is no way I can be a ‘Facilities Operational Coordinator’.

I was actually told that once and I regret to say at first I was left speechless and secondly that the snappy comeback which did come to mind had to be bitten back for fear of turning that bridge into splinters.

Of course, not sure I should have cared since if that is how narrow their view is, or how much of a gullible sap they take me for, I doubt even left standing, the bridge would have been of any worth to me or that with both hands glued to their own … they could find their own…but I’m straying off topic.

Well, I am trying something new and for those that care to read it, will be writing sort of an off and on journal along this lines…it might be a stream of consciousness and I often might have help of a feline family member walking across the keyboard, so please excuse any grammar errors.

Thank anyone that has taken the time to read this…comments, thoughts and such are always welcomed.

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